Dear Mistress Maeve,
First, I want to thank you for your column. The questions you answer and your advice and suggestions are so informative and interesting. I am hoping you can help me with this question.
My boyfriend told me (I'm a gal) that my orgasms aren't "very big" when compared to his previous experiences. He is the first person to ever mention size of orgasm to me. And I have had the most long-lasting, pleasurable and amazing orgasms with him. I am fairly vocally expressive and thoroughly satisfied. I am not sure what he is referring to, and I hesitate to ask him. Do you have thoughts about this?
Satisfied Yet Puzzled
Thank you for the compliment — flattery will get you everywhere. Believe me, it's a "pleasure" to read what horny Vermonters are doing behind closed doors (and in cow pastures, parked cars and conference rooms).
Moving on to your question. What does your boyfriend expect? Perhaps he'd like you to do a triple Lutz off the bed and stick the landing while climaxing? Unless you're Michelle Kwan, that's not going to happen.
The fact of the matter is that women have orgasms in all shapes and sizes, and no one deserves to be scrutinized for her rendition of bliss. After all, we're going for pleasure here, not an Academy Award — right?
But let's give your man the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he's worried that he's not giving you the orgasm you desire. As you suggested in your letter, tell him he's the best you've ever had — all of us can use a little reassurance once in a while.
And, although you do not have to change your ways for him, it could be fun to throw some new moves into your routine. You don't need to turn into Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, but saying his name, making some serious eye contact, or running your nails down his back could make the orgasm more exciting for you. If it's more exciting for him, too — well, that's just a bonus.
Loud and proud,