I am a divorced middle-aged woman who is happily involved with a passionate man. He has been separated from his second wife for well over a year, and the divorce settlement is almost complete. She has relocated out of state and he resides in Vermont. We have been together for more than six months.
I am writing to you because I am troubled that he still wears a wedding ring. I have mentioned it to him on many occasions, and he says he will remove it but never does. I know he is over the relationship and is very happy with me, but I still feel a bit like I am "on the side." I have my own thoughts but want to hear your take on the situation. He says he wears it as a reminder of his failure — I don't buy it.
Usually women write me about men who have trouble keeping their rings on, not men who refuse to take them off. One thing's for sure — something's amiss, and I don't like it.
You have either a guy who isn't ready to move on from his marriage, or — worst-case scenario — one who’s still married. Not to be overly pessimistic, but have you seen the divorce papers? Have you met this supposed ex? Are you sure you’re not getting played?
Or let's say he's telling the truth about wearing the ring as a reminder of his failure. That's a major red flag that he has some serious guilt issues to work through before jumping into a long-term romance with you.
He might not be married any longer, but as long as he's wearing that ring, he's not emotionally divorced. The bottom line is that until he takes that ring off, he's not ready to give you the kind of relationship you're looking for.