Dear Mistress Maeve,
I'm in my forties and have been seeing a guy for six months. We live about an hour away from each other, and I go to his house every weekend. When we are together we usually stay around his house working on projects, relaxing or having amazing afternoon delights. The problem for me is when we are apart during the week. I freely admit I have my share of insecurities, but I feel like I get very little from him. He can go for days during the week without calling.
While at a rare social outing together this past weekend, he introduced me by the wrong name — for the second time. He laughs it off, saying he's bad with names and nervous in social situations. He tells me that I'm important to him, that he cares about me, and that I'm blowing things out of proportion. What's your take on his behavior?
Wasting My Time in the Valley?
Dear Wasting Time,
I hope your boyfriend likes cake — because he's got a lot of it, and he's eating it, too.
The balance in your relationship is way off. Why do you always make the trip to his place? Why does he prefer to stay in all weekend instead of showing you off to family and friends? It would be one thing if you were content with the arrangement, but you're clearly looking for more. It's time for a serious talk. This relationship is very convenient for him and will continue to be so until you set some expectations. Outline what you want from him — more effort during the week, more integration into each other's social lives, and any other needs you have that are not being met.
As for forgetting your name, I might buy his plea of social nervousness if it weren't for all the other suspicious behavior. Something isn't adding up in your relationship — and the entire surplus is on his side. If he can't fix your budget deficit, I suggest trading him in for an accountant.
Banking on you,