I'm in a relatively new relationship with a guy who loves it when I take charge. I'm used to that in the physical sense — I have no problem being the boss in bed.
However, one thing that really turns him on is taking orders, and I have no idea how to give them. I'm not very vocal (as far as words go) and am seriously lacking some hot commands. I'm stuck on the "harder, better, faster, stronger" mantra, and it's getting a little old. Any ideas on how I can spice things up verbally?
I also like being talked to in bed — dirty talk is a huge turn-on for me. Is there such a thing as too much speech between the sheets?
Dear A. F.,
Lucky you! If your man is willing to take commands, you’d best learn how to use your words. The good news is — you're no shrinking violet. You're already dominating him physically and doing some talking in bed, so your transition into a verbal vamp should be an easy one.
Instead of just "harder, better, faster, stronger," try verbalizing what you feel. "Oh, baby, it feels so good when you do it hard." (And don't be afraid to go into more graphic detail than I can get away with in print.) When you're comfortable with that, try giving it a more commanding tone: "I want you to fuck me harder. Don't stop until I say so." If he obliges, you might reward him with a "Good boy."
If your guy likes being submissive, he may really enjoy asking your permission to orgasm. The next time you're having sex, tell him he has to ask you nicely if he can climax. When you sense him getting close, remind him of his task. When he asks, make him say please a couple times before he releases — you'll be giving him the ultimate command and satisfying your need to hear him talk, too.
As long as both partners are into it, you can never have too much verbalizing in bed. Taking it a step further and giving commands only heightens the tawdry talk experience. But make sure you like it, too. Whatever talking you do in bed should turn you on as much as it does him.